how can u be prego again
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
