best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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