And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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