I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Watching her eat just hurts me
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
