3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
