Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
