Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
People in love make me want to vomit
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
