hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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