hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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