how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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