Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
