just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
