Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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