if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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