I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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