what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
