I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
