Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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