No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
