Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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