If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
