Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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