I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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