It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
