She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Farmville is her only friend.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
