i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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