Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
