We're facebook friends in real life
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I need moral support for this bender
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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