1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
