Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
