I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
