Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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