what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
