Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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