Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
