google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
