I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
