Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
