Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
