I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
