I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
