New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
