this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
