Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Houston, we have a squirter
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
