Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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