He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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