I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
