Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
