You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
