Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
